Prayer needed…

September 30, 2005 at 5:08 am Leave a comment

I don’t think I can say any of this out loud yet, maybe I can write it…

I just now got home from seeing Will and taking Christine to her Language Arts class. While we were at the doctor’s office, I almost passed out. If I hadn’t been holding Will and not wanting to drop him, I probably would not have given anyone any notice before I hit the floor. I had buckets of sweat pouring off of me and couldn’t move because I was so weak, the Nurse Practitioner got cranberry juice for me and fanned me with a book. It took a really long time to be able to stand up again. I am not sure about adopting Will anymore. I feel no peace, I feel panic instead. My head seems to be screaming NO, and I am so disappointed in my reaction that I can’t quit crying. I don’t know if it’s all real or not though, I am second guessing everything. I didn’t feel what I think I “should” feel. I wish my Hubby were home to talk to. I have prayed and prayed about it and all I do is cry…Maybe a few hours or a new day will help clear my mind? I just really don’t know what to think. Is this just fear, or should I listen to it? I don’t know if I have ever felt this confused before.

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Entry filed under: Journey to Joshua.

A lot to read… Thanks to all…

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